Did Lynne C Doyle have to leave town?

[alastairclark]

It appears that a regular correspondent on this web site - Lynne C Doyle - has 'gone to ground' - noone has heard anything from her for about 6 weeks

We know she did have some complex relationship issues to resolve but does anyone know of her whereabouts?

[Stella]

I believe Lynne had to leave because of what is called a 'glitch'. Just where she is now, I haven't a clue. All I do know is that the whole of Wirksworth is longing to hear from her. Things just haven't been the same in her absence.... Oh dear, the tears have come again... has anyone a tissue they could lend me?

[corbeau]

I was tempted to say that I am reminded of Lynne every time I see one of the scareceows in town. Of course I won~t as that would violate the rules of using this forum.

[Ed Overeels]

I was tempted to say that I am reminded of Lynne every time I see one of the scareceows in town. Of course I won~t as that would violate the rules of using this forum.

If you'd seen Lynne C Doyle, corbeaux, you wouldn't describe her as a scarecrow. She has her faults - don't we all ? - but she cares about her appearance and would be upset by your comment.
As she's not hear to defend herself, I'm here to stand up for her. I miss her.

[Stella]

:D It is good to hear from Ed Overeels - although he wasn't one of my favourites from the old message board. But just to know that some of Lynne's buddies are still in the land of the living cheers me up. I often wonder how Iver Million and Perle Buton are getting along.... They WERE my favourites.

[corbeau]

Just to clarify for Mr Eels, and others, that I actually wrote to say that I WOULD NOT be describing Lynne C Doyle as a Scarecrow.

Please read my postings carefully - I think if you have reason for offence is that you were described by Stella as 'not one of my favourites'! Now that is a slur!

[Lynne C Doyle]

It's gr8 to be back in Wirksworth with my new b/f. We've both agreed to start again, so I don't want him to know about my past, and why I had to leave the town. We're goin up to Bolehill sail so look out for us up there.

Wots a glitch Stella?

[Stella]

Welcome home, Lynne! It's good to have you back - where you belong!!
You wanted to know what a glitch is... here's the definition taken from the internet encyclopaedia......
A glitch (also known as "bug") is a short-lived fault (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fault) in a system. The term is particularly common in the computing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Computing) and electronics (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electronics) industries, and in circuit bending (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circuit_bending), as well as among players of video games (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Video_game), although it is applied to all types of systems including human organizations (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Organization) and nature.
I hope this is helpful!!!!!!
Luv,
Stella

[Lynne C Doyle]

Thanks for telling me about this, Stella. I think I understand it.

We've just had a row about whose cookin tonite, and now my b/f's glitched off to Costa's chippie. Part of me hopes he won't come back!

[Unregistered]

Lynne, you haven't got fed up of your new boyfriend already, have you? You haven't told us anything about him - not even his name!

I bet your chips were nice. Did you have fish with them?

[Wayne Dwopp]

It's nice to be back on the message board again even if it has this fancy Forum name.

My mum says that Lynne is too fussy about her men and she should grow up.

[Iver Million]

Hello again! Perle and I have just returned from a wonderful holiday and it is nice to back in Wirksworth again. What happened to the old message board? It was quite a shock to see it changed to this Forum. For those of you who never visited the old message board, perhaps I should introduce myself. I am married to Perle Buton - a lovely French woman who I met by sending in messages. We are blissfully happy. Perle struggles with her English, but she is improving all the time.

[Perle Buton]

Mine Iver, he is very naughty because he not say nussing about our friend Lynne. Ve vere sad to read zat Lynne has new boyfriend but she not sure vezzer she truly vants him. Ve vish she could find Mr Rite.

[Wayne Dwopp]

Every time Lynne meets someone she thinks he is Mr Rite. [Perle, the correct English for Mr Rite is Mr Right.] BUT they always turn out to be Mr Wrong.

My mum says there is no perfect man. She says she thinks i'M nearly perfect but not quite. She says that you and Iver make her "want to puke". Don't know why...

[Erica Boulton]

Lynne has had some very interesting b/fs. I'm not sure if I can remember them all, but I know there was a greasy chap called Petr O'Leum. And there were the Schtick brothers, Russ and Matt - I am not sure if she went out with both of them. Hans Offah and Ed Overeels were always rivals and I think the last one was called Jacques Oozie. Lynne had a very steamy affair with this one. What makes her attract unsuitable suitors? Does anyone know?

[Iver Million]

This is a reply to Wayne's message. He spoke of his mother's allergy to me and my Perle. It smacks of jealousy. I would think it would give her hope that there is at least one couple romantically attached in Wirksworth. Perle and I only want the best for Lynne.

[Stella]

Iver, I am sure there are other 'romantically attached' couples in Wirksworth. If not, then perhaps we should open a lonely hearts thread. What do you think?

Meanwhile, I would like to hear from Lynne - is she still around?

[Tia Dwopps]

Wayne and I thought we saw her queuing at the fish stall in the market today. But we are not sure. Wayne said I have got to tell you that we chose some kippers for mum to cook.

[James Ogilvy]

I don't mean to be rude, but this has passed its sell-by date. Who cares about Lynne C Doyle and all her daft mates? GET RID!!!!!!

[Writer]

I absolutely disgree with James Ogilvy. I say... RESTORE LYNNE C DOYLE, her boyfriends and all her 'daft mates'.

WIRKSWORTH NEEDS YOU!

[Perle Buton]

Iver and me, ve happy to be back in Virksvirth. Ve have been avay too longa. Ve vent to Cornvall to stay in home of Iver's uncle. Ze sea wery beautiful. Ve swam every day...sometimes in ze nutting. Iver says he vill send his regards.

[Iver Million]

I am having a problem with Perle and I do not know what to do about it. I wondered if anyone in Wirksworth could help. Instead of improving with time, her English is deteriorating. I do so want her to be happy living here, but I think she is pining so much for Paris and her papa that some psychological block is preventing her adjusting to English life. Any advice would be appreciated... money no object, as usual.

[Erica Boulton]

I had noticed in Perle's last message. There was a distinct improvement in her language towards the end of the previous message board. Why don't you consider contacting one of the language teachers at Anthony Gell School and finding out if they know of any private tutors in the town. I think examinations are now over so it would be an appropriate time.
Alternatively - and as you say no expense spared - why don't you spend a few months in Die - Wirksworth's twin town in France?

[Iver Million]

Erica, thank you for your help. I do not mean to be rude, but don't you think you are getting a bit mixed up? Perle needs to stay in England and learn English - not French. The last place I would take her to is France!

[Erica Boulton]

Oh golly gosh! Yes, I was getting confused. Sorry about that. I don't know what to suggest, Iver. Of course, there are English teachers here in Wirksworth who might be willing to help. Alternatively, what about some of the kids at anthony gel once they have broken up from school. It could be a Teach-a-Perle English project. Does that help?

[Iver Million]

Not really. But thanks anyway.
Perle and I have decided to split up. She needs her papa and I need some space. It has been a difficult time one way or another. I think she still loves me and I love her...but the culture difference is getting to us both. I don't know how I will get on without her...

[Stella]

I am shocked. This is awful news, Iver. I thought you and Perle were an ideal couple. How has papa taken the news? I bet he is disappointed... or maybe not?

Anyway, give it time, Iver...you will both be back together again, I am sure.

[Wayne Dwopp]

Perle and Iver splitting up is tragic, I agree. But Stella, surely the absence of Lynne is even more worrying. She hasn't been seen. No one has seen her for yonks. She could be lying in a gutter for all that we know.:eek:

[Writer]

I never used the former message board, so I am intrigued by the young woman...Lynne C Doyle. It appears she is missing. What does she look like? How would I know if I have seen her?

[Stella]

She was at the fish stall this morning...well, at least I think it was Lynne. She was wearing a bright yellow t-shirt and a rather garish yellow/black/red/green skirt. Can anyone confirm?

[Stella]

While I was out yesterday looking at some of the art work on display, I met up with an old friend of mine. We got chatting and she began to tell me about a woman she had just met at the Town Hall. Apparently, this woman - whose name was Lynne (spelt with an e) had recently got engaged and was looking for some unusual cuff links for her fiance. This Lynne (spelt with an e) was from Wirksworth, a member of the Doyle family, had been teased at school for being greasy. Also - and this is the BIG clue - she had suffered a lot of heartbreak in the past. It just has to be Lynne, don't you think? She is going to be around today, so if you know her, please tell her to call.

[Ed Overeels]

A friend of a friend tells me Lynne C Doyle is living in Wirksworth again.

She's engaged to someone she met on her Irish travels called Patrick O'leum.

I'm sure this holiday romance will end in tears and she'll begin to understand that if she wants to settle down I'm still here for her.

[Writer]

I don't know if its a good or bad thing having Lynne C Doyle back in Wirksworth. I know she added a bit of spice but there again she could be a little tart for some tastes.

[Ed Overeels]

I don't know if its a good or bad thing having Lynne C Doyle back in Wirksworth. I know she added a bit of spice but there again she could be a little tart for some tastes.

How dare you call Lynne a little tart, Writer (whoever you are)? She has upset me in the past but I won't stand by and hear her called nasty names.

I'm pleased she's back in town and I hope she reads this and realises who her friends are.

[Stella]

Quite right too, Ed. I thought that remark of Writer's was totally out of order. Good to know that loyalty still exists in this day and age.

[Ed Overeels]

Thank you for your support, Stella.

I understand Petr O'Leum's -Paddy's dad's in town - and he won't let anyone insult his future daughter-in-law.

It doesn't take much to spark him off - so watch out, Writer!

[Unregistered]

I've just read all this from faraway.

Am I the last person to twig that if Lynne C Doyle marries Paddy O'Leum she'll be

Lynne O'Leum!?!?

[Erica Boulton]

Hello unregistered,
Thanks for your message from faraway. Yes, I'm sorry you are the last person to twig that Lynne could possibly be floor covering if she marries Mr O'Leum. But don't worry...nobody's perfect!
Erica

[Ed Overeels]

Does this mean people will be able to walk all over her if she marries him?

[Erica Boulton]

:eek: It means that she'll be ever so smooth, shiny and possibly very colourful!!

[Unregistered]

Did you know that linoleum is made from solidified linseed oil?

I don't know if this is relevant to this relationship, but I worked for Matrix Flooring Solutions for many years and know about the connection between linoleum and linseed oil.

Thank you for letting me tell you this.

[James Ogilvy]

Thank YOU for telling us.

This is an amazing coincidence! It also bodes very well for their future happiness together. I can't see anything going wrong this time. Could it?

[Wayne Dwopp]

Me, my mum and my sister Tia think that Lynne might not like to be thought of as solidified. We think 'unregistered' should be careful what he or she says in future.

[Unregistered]

Me, my mum and my sister Tia think that Lynne might not like to be thought of as solidified. We think 'unregistered' should be careful what he or she says in future.

Don't threaten me. I'm a floorcovering engineer and could easily wipe the floor with any number of Wayne Dwopps.

I wanted everyone to understand the science of how linseed oil becomes linoleum.

First boil up your linseed oil. Then using a burette add the boiled linseed oil drop by drop to a mixture of cork dust, wood flour, ground limestone and tree resin. Using a steel spatula, knead the mixture together. repeat the process until the mixture forms a solid paste and can be wound round the spatula.

Once the linoleum is made, you wouldn't recognize it started from linseed oil.

[Ed Overeels]

Boiling up linseed oil......I don't want to think of it.......it's a horrid thought.

I hope this is a warning to Lynne C Doyleand she never becomes
Lynne O'Leum.

There are better fish in the pond.

[Tia Dwopps]

I know some people think I'm a bit of a drip, but if you like looking in ponds, maybe we should meet up?

[Emjay]

I've read with interest all about the adventures of Ms Doyle but I am quite concerned.

Has anybody actually seen her? It all sound like hearsay to me "A friend of mine said they'd seen her" "It sounds like Lynne". If I were a friend of hers, which I'm not (my friends don't dilly-dally around with fellas the way this lady seems to), I would be very concerned, especially bearing in mind the linseed oil boiling business we've just been treated to.

Could this unregistered guest be trying to tell us that he has "done away" with Lynne in this very manner? It's macabre, I know, but unregistered guest seemed to have a temper (note how he responded to Wayne Dwopp!) and nobody seems to have actually seen Lynne........

[Ed Overeels]

Emjay has scared me.

I've been up most of the night worrying about what this unregistered chararacter has done to Lynne.

As Emjay says, she does seem to have disappeared, and he did talk alot about things I'm trying not to think about.

And now Unregistered disappeared.

[Hans Offah]

Lynne C Doyle is an ex ex ex of mine, and I don't want any harm done to her.

This Unregistered seems like a dodger geezer to me.

Some mates and me will ride over to Wirksworth tommoro on the way to a meet at Matlock Bath to sort him out. Does anyone know his address?

[James Ogilvy]

I don't wish to be rude, Hans. But how on earth would we know his address if we don't even know his name? Unless, of course, he lives in a place called Unknown. I've never been there, but then I don't travel a lot.

[Ed Overeels]

Unregistered works for Matrix Flooring Solutions - he told us that.

Please don't tell him I gave you this information if you meet him, Hans. It might get me into trouble - and I hate violence.

[Hans Offah]

This unregistered needs sorting if my mates and me can find him. But we cant find this matrix floors business Ed talks about. Where is it?

And where's my ex ex ex Lynne? Is she safe?

[Hans Offah]

I've got contacts all over, and this geezer works in Port Talbot. My mates and me are riding to a bash in Swansea, so we'll sort him at the same time.

I won't mention your name, Ed, unless its REALLY necessary.

[Stella]

I'm not sure I like the sound of this. Why is it that Lynne C Doyle causes so much trouble? Wirksworth is one of the most peaceful towns in the whole of England...and yet this young woman - who nobody has ever seen - seems to cause havoc.

Do take care...all of you!

[Ed Overeels]

Lynne is a victim and hasn't caused any of this trouble, Stella. I won't have anything said agaist her. I'm disappointed by you.

I hope Hans Offah doesn't mention my name.

What does he mean by a bash in Swansea? And why does he say hes an ex ex ex of Lynne? I don't understand

[Erica Boulton]

Any word from Hans? Is he back from his bash?

[Hans Offah]

I've eliminated the geezer unregistered from the linseed oil / linoleum story.

He won't do Lynne or any of us harm anymore.

[Ed Overeels]

Did you biff him Hans? How have you eliminated him?

[Hans Offah]

:D:mad::D

I told him I was Ed Overeels from Wirksworth, then I trod on his toes - and this unregistered geezer was HISTORY!

[James Ogilvy]

Ed, if you look back to your message of 21.09.08 at 10.45 am, you will read that you claimed to hate violence. Does not treading on someone's toes constitute violence? I trust you are not going to condone Hans' behaviour?

[Ed Overeels]

:eek: I'm in a mess. I wish I'd kept mum. I hate violence esp against me.

I don't want trouble from unregistered or Hans Offah. All I wanted to do was help Lynne.

So where have I gone wrong to end up in this mess?

[Lynne C Doyle]

Whats a dowry?

Petr O'Leum says before I can marry his son Paddy I've got to give him all sorts of things and its called a dowry (hope Ive spelt that write?)

Is it true?

[MsGill]

My advice is to give nothing to your boyfriend's father,Lynne. What's he asked you for?

A dowry is the money or possessions a woman (a LONG TIME AGO) had to give to her husband's family when she married. It could be a couple of goats or a pig depending on what they thought she was worth!

Get some help from the CItizens Advice Bureax at the Health Centre and see what they say.

[Lynne C Doyle]

Do I want to be Lynne O'Leum?

His dad says he wants my mini and my laptop and my crown derby and says I can't have my own bacnk account if Im to marry his son.

He says my dad will give me away at the wedding - and that's what it means - give me away. I agree to share my worldly goods, he says, when I get wed.

What should I do?

[Stella]

Think very carefully, Lynne and ask yourself, "Is Paddy truly, deeply, madly in love with me?"

[MsGill]

There are serious matters here for not just Lynne but all women contemplating marriage.

I'm a newcomer here but could I start a new serious topic on women's rights in marriage not under Soap Opera and not about Lynne?

Advice needed? What do other female posters think?

[Stella]

I would say "go ahead", Ms Gill. I'll back you all the way...and may even add the odd message occasionally.

In return, how about you adding an odd episode to the ongoing soap opera, Read All About It!?

[Ed Overeels]

I'd be Mr Lynne C Doyle if Lynne would marry me.

I've read what you've written about weddings Ms Gill - but want you to know all men aren't male chauvenist pigs.

Where's Lynne? Is she safe? I'm worried about her. I want to protect her.

[Hans Offah]

Your a whimp Ed,and a disgrace to manhood.

Lynne will never be serious about somene like you who crawls after her. She wants a MAN like me who bosses her about a bit.

Are you a man or a mouse?

[Erica Boulton]

May I suggest that you two stop squabbling and get down to the serious matter of locating Lynne and making sure that she hasn't squandered all her treasured possessions.

[Lynne C Doyle]

Stop worrying about me, all of you and especially Edward

On Tuesday I met someone at the fish cue and we started to talk and found out we both liked salmon.

Last night he cooked me a fantastic kedgery (I think thats how you spell it?) and this morning the suns shining and weve been for a lovely walk. I'm soooooooooo happy.

[Stella]

Edward? Sounds a bit fishy to me.

[Ed Overeels]

Lynne's thinking about me,she called me Edward. And I've got a new microwave so I could cook for you, Lynne.

Have those O'Leums gone back home?

[Wayne Dwopp]

Don't you think we need to know a little more about this man she met in the fish queue? He has already made her a kedgery, but where? Was it at her place or his?
My mum says Lynne needs to be more diskriminitive.

Don't know where the O'Leums are. My sister Tia thinks they might be up a greasy pole.

[Lynne C Doyle]

It was his plaice Wayne and he did the cooking. Tomorrow its our anniversay - one week since I met him at the market and hes taking me fishing to his secret fishing place to tickle some trout, he says.

His name's Rod and I like him very much but he says we should not rush into things.

Thanks to Gill on here and a sensible lady at citizens advice for stopping me being Mrs Lynne O'Leum. And now I've got Rod to help me forget how horrid they were.

[Wayne Dwopp]

Tia has just asked me to warn you not to let Rod spin you a line!

[MsGill]

I hope this new relationship doesn't flounder!

[BarryF]

It would be a reel shame if Lynne got crabby with these (?)jokes!

[Tia Dwopps]

My mum says...."Lynne has 'ad to deal with a lot of 'eels in 'er past. But she must be watch out this one isn't as slippery as t' rest."

My brother Wayne sends his love x

[Emjay]

Well, it seems that my concerns that Lynne had been boiled by the lino man were unfounded as she is posting on here again. That's a relief.

HOWEVER!

Lynne, I hope you aren't falling hook, line and sinker for another stinker!

And PLEASE don't let Rod tickle anything BUT trout because you are getting a very dodgy reputation around these here parts!

[Lynne C Doyle]

Rod says I'm a cerial monogamyst - coz altho I've had a few b/fs I've never once cheated on one of them.

SO


my reputation is NOT dodgy Emjay tho I am ticklish!

[Ed Overeels]

I'm a cerial monogamyst as well. Lynne - I always have my own organic meusli for breakfast. If you want to try some you're very welcome. It's nice to know we have some things in common.

Have you got rid of Rod yet?

[Lynne C Doyle]

I had my first BIG row with Rod last night.

He'd cooked some mackerel hed caught with veg from his allotment and we were cuddling on my sofa when it all went rong BIG TIME!?!!

Rod grabbed the TV zapper and wouldnt let go at all - and its MY teevee.
We had to watch a stupid football match and I couldn't change channels coz he had the zapper.

Men are so selfish and irritating - even Rod!

[MsGill]

Men can be very bossy, Lynne. It was good that Rod cooked you a meal but bad that he hogged the remote controller for YOUR television.

You musn't let him dominate you in this way. Explain to him calmly that the way you share your quality time together is a joint decision. If he wants to watch football and you don't, he should watch it at his place.

Good relationships are built on couples sharing decisions. If he can't accept this, you should make the decision to boot Rod out. There are more fish in the sea!

[Lynne C Doyle]

I'm lonesome tonight, because Rod's gone fishing.

I told him what Ms Gill said about men being bossy and he was dead unchuffed. He said what he thought about her and I'd better not repeat it here!?!?***!?!?

Now he's gone off in the rain to some canal with his fishing stuff and a tent, and I've watched Strictly Come Dancing on my own.

[Lynne C Doyle]

I've just found a tin of wriggly maggotts in my fridge. Rod must have left them.

What shall I do with them?

[Lynne C Doyle]

I just threw the maggotts at Rod and he's gone.

He got in half an hour ago and said he'd bin fishin all night. BUT his trainers weren't muddy and the fish he gave me SEEMED to be FROZEN.

Was I too hasty? and now I've got to pick up all the wriggling maggotts in my kitchen. UGHHHHH!

[Hans Offah]

This geezer smells fishy to me. Are you going to chuck him back, Lynne, or do you need a hand from me?

[Tia Dwopps]

Wayne and I have been talking to our mum about your shituation, Lynne. She thinks that Rod sounds like a slippery eel and that you should take a holiday by the sea so that you will be near at hand to find someone new. That's what she says.

[Lynne C Doyle]

I was wrong about Rod. He's explained everything to me. Theres no need to worry, Tia and Wayne.

His trainers were clean because he'd been home to get rid of his fishing waiders.
The fish he brought with him was from his freezer - he never said he's caught it.
He's sorry about the maggotts in my fridge - he meant to take them with him.It was just a miss - understanding - and last night he cooked me yummy poached haddock!

[Lynne C Doyle]

"Sam - I love you 4ever" - I just found this on Rod's mobile and thought he'd sent it to Samantha********* a girl he fancies.

BUT

he says it's about SALMON - his favourite fish that he'll love forever.

Should I believe him?

[MsGill]

"Sam - I love you 4ever" - I just found this on Rod's mobile and thought he'd sent it to Samantha********* a girl he fancies.

BUT

he says it's about SALMON - his favourite fish that he'll love forever.

Should I believe him?

NO! NO! NO!

[Emjay]

It gets worse!

Lynne, here's a multiple choice question for you:-

Are you

a) deluded

b) misguided

c) oblivious

or d) clinically insane?


Rod is OBVIOUSLY doing the dirty on you! What is it about you that makes you attract such complete wastes of space? Yes, that includes you Ed! I agree with Hans that you sound like a complete wimp! Otherwise you would put your money where you mouth is, track this dippy girl Lynne down and make a honest, if slightly nutty, woman out of her!

Sort your lives out people!

Lynne, get your head out of the Hannage Brook and realise it's ok to expect more from a boyfriend than the rubbish you have been getting!

[MsGill]

You're making yourself a laughing stock, Lynne.

I'm sorry I shouted at you the other night, but you exasperated me. Are you so infatuated with this Rod - who you've only known for five minutes - to be blind to what's obvious to the rest of us.
He's a cheat and thinks you're a fool.

Take note of Emjay's advice, and get yourself a life. You don't need to fall into the arms of the next man who comes along to be happy. Enjoy life on your own for a while and work out your priorities.

[Special K]

Please oh please dont listen to these fuddieduddies interfering with your life Lynne. I for one would ignore them its wrong to tell you to put your head in the water even if its ment as a not very funny joke.
This Rod seems a fun guy to me so you try your best to keep him otherwise this Sam will snatch him from you mark my words!

[BarryF]

You've been given conflicting advice here, Lynne!

Put us out of our agony and tell us what you've done with Rod. Have you dumped him? Has he dumped you? Has Sam - on come between you? Has he proposed over a fish stew and now you'll live happily ever after - and we won't ever hear from you again?

If I was a book-maker I'd take bets - any takers? What has happened to Lynne C Doyle?

[Emjay]

I take offence at being called a fuddy-duddy!!!;)

AND I didn't tell Lynn to put her head in the water Special K - I told her to take it out!!! :D

I've thought of something that might just turn Rod's head away from the delicious Sam (on).

Lynn, have you tried wearing fishnet stockings to see if they can keep Rod interested and to stop him dangling his bait elsewhere? :eek:

[Lynne C Doyle]

Sam says Rod's a love rat and he has a wife and two kids as well as a girl by every river where there are big fish to catch.

But should I trust her? Is she trying to keep him to herself?

Can you buy fishnets at the factory shop Emjay?

[Erica Boulton]

Yes, Lynne you can. I saw them over the weekend. They have some lovely sea green ones. I'd steer clear of the salmon pink ones, if I were you.

[Hans Offah]

If this Rod's a love-rat does it make him a rod-ent? (gettit?? ha!ha!ha!)

Put another notch on your bedpost and dump him, Lynne. You've no need to share a man - I'll give you my undivided attention for a night or two!!!

And where's that doormat, Ed Overeels? Is he Lynne's car-pet? (I'm doing well with the jokes tonite - has it cheered you all up? Doormat = carpet - gettit - for those of you slow on the uptake?)

[Emjay]

I believe I may have seen Lynne on the market place today! I don't know for sure but as I was approaching the fish van a pretty but dishevelled woman was walking away with a large salmon in her hand which she promptly threw to the ground and stamped on with all her might! I shouted the name Lynne but the woman simply turned and ran up West End!

Do you think it may have been Lynne? If it was, the poor "sole" must be in turmoil!

Perhaps she should visit the "Skate" park and chill out!

[BarryF]

My early morning's started with a smile! :D I'll now look at the "Skate" park with fresh eyes. Thanks Emjay.

[Lynne C Doyle]

I've found discriminating evidence in my mini. I let Rod use the car to go fishing last night - and now THIS!!!

It's the last straw and I've told him to sling his hook and take his tackle - and his maggotts - out of my house.

But I'm lonely without him already and it was only an hour ago.

[Lynne C Doyle]

He's just dupt me by text just be4 i dupt him. The b*******!

I'm spitting mad and want my revenge on him. Any ideas? He likes dressing up so I could do something nasty to his designer clothes he's left here.

I'll never trust a man again EVER!!!!

[Special K]

My advise to you Lynne is to cut them off! I mean the sleeves of his suits not wot your thinking!!

[Hans Offah]

Where's Ed Overeels when he's needed? Here we have a damsel in distress who needs a shoulder to cry on and some TLC so it's your big chance Ed, get in there and show Lynne your feminine side.

[Erica Boulton]

This is news to me, Hans. When did Ed acquire this feminine side? And which is it...left or right?

[Hans Offah]

What real man has organic meusli for his breakfast - Ed Overeels does!

I prefer Special K! ;););)

[Lynne C Doyle]

Where's Ed Overeels when he's needed? Here we have a damsel in distress who needs a shoulder to cry on and some TLC so it's your big chance Ed, get in there and show Lynne your feminine side.

Get uptodate, Hans!:p

[Ed Overeels]

I'm the luckiest man in the hole world!:D:D:D

[Erica Boulton]

I am intrigued. Why are you the luckiest man in the whole world, Ed?

[Ed Overeels]

I want to tell everyone - but I'd better let Lynne tell you. I'm still pinching myself to make sure it's not a dream?

[Erica Boulton]

Oh Ed, is it...no it can't be. Is it? Is it really? Oh Ed! Please ask Lynne to tell us as soon as she can and put us out of our misery. It can't be... is it?

[Lynne C Doyle]

I'm pregnant.

[Erica Boulton]

Oh no! Are you sure?

[James Ogilvy]

I'm very surprised you didn't take more care, Lynne - especially leading such an active life. Unless, of course, you planned to have a baby. Did you?

Jimmy.

[Ed Overeels]

I'm soooooooo happy!

[Lynne C Doyle]

Have any of you seen Mamma Mia?

[Wayne Dwopp]

My mum, Tia and I think you've mised the plot here, Mr Jacob. This is not the Film Society thread. Lynne C Doyle is pregnant. Why she asks if we've seen Mamma Mia is cos she wants us to guess who the dad is. Ed keeps on saying he's happy, so we think he thinks he's the dad. But is he?

[Special K]

I think Lynnes telling us something in a suttle way. I've seem Mama Mia four times and the important patr of the story is that Meryl Streep doesn't know who the father of her daughter is! The shocking thing is that the dad could be one of three men!?!

Is this what Lynne is sayin?

[Lynne C Doyle]

Should I tell each of them they might be a daddy - or stay MUM?:confused:

[Stella]

Before we can advise you, Lynne could you possibly list "each" of them for us.

[Lynne C Doyle]

If I tell you, will you tell them? What a mess I'm in!

[Stella]

No, I won't breathe a word to any of them. And nor will anyone else. That's a promise.

[Hans Offah]

Don't any of you point at me - I'm not ready to be a dad and my new girlfreind wouldn't like it. I've got mate who'll SWARE I was with them when it happened - if it happened and thats a BIG IF.

[Emjay]

I keep out of the way for a couple of weeks and all hell breaks loose!

Firstly, Hans, I'm wondering who your new girlfriend is because I've just been thread-hopping and have seen you chatting up Special K! Is she your new girlfriend or are you trying to pull a bit on the side?

I've been thread-hopping but Lynne has most definitely been bed-hopping! Goodness knows who the father of her baby is. I knew when I started reading this thread that Lynne was a bit of a hussy. You can tell a mile off!

Sorry, Lynne. But in this day and age it is just not good enough to be putting it about!

So, Mamma Mia style, picture a scene in the local pub.......


Male #1 "Honey Honey, how you thrill me. Aha! Honey Honey"

Male #2 "Don't go listening to that plonker! Lay all your love on me!"

Male #3 "I'm nothing special, in fact I'm a bit of a bore. If I tell a joke, you've probably heard it before. But I have a talent, a wonderful thing........"

Lynne "Gimme Gimme Gimme a man after midnight! Don't mind which it is! In fact I might have all 3!"



So, come Lynne! Who are they?

[Stella]

You said that you knew when you started reading this thread that Lynne was a bit of a hussy. You can tell a mile off!
All in Wirksworth who have known and loved Lynne C Doyle for at least two years will agree with me that you have been a little unkind. She is not a hussy... just misunderstood.

So, Lynne who are they?

[Special K]

I can do without this gossip being spread by this emjay about me, especiallally at this time when I'm preggers (I think) and b4 you ask I DO know who the father is unlike some who shall be NAMELESS!:mad::mad::mad:

[Lynne C Doyle]

If I have triplets could each of my babies have their own natural daddy? Is that possible or am I a bit tipsy?

[James Ogilvy]

If you've gotta ask..............

[Erica Boulton]

Lynne, when is your baby due? I ask this because it might help you to recall who you were with when it was conceived. Do you understand what I mean?

[Ed Overeels]

I want the world to know I'm not bothered who the daddy of Lynne's baby is. I'd sooner not know!

I love her and the baby and want to be with them whatever happens.

[Hans Offah]

Thanks, Eddie, it's a happy ending. You've got Lynne and a baby or two so I hope you all live happy ever after.

I'm going back to Dudley with a smile on my face!;)

[Stella]

Eddie, you are happy. Hans you are smiling. Good news for both of you...but what about the pregnant Lynne...is she happy too?

[MsGill]

As Stella says this is no laughing matter, especially for Lynne's unborn child. I've been away and can't believe what's happened in my absence.

My main message is for Lynne:

You must see your doctor immediately to see whether you're definitely pregnant and to consider the options (including termination) available to you.
You must improve your method of contraception. Women can now plan their pregnancies and it's your irresponsible behaviour that has led to this crisis where an unwanted innocent baby might be brought into the world.
You must find out who the father is. I understand this is difficult for you but every child has the right to know the identity of their father. Dates, as Erica says, are important. Tests will prove who the real father is - and he will have responsibilities, as well as rights.So, Hans, you can't yet walk away to Dudley with a smile on your face.

[Erica Boulton]

Lynne, if I were you I would read Ms Gill's message very carefully. She has given you some exceedingly good advice here. She is a very wise woman.

[Special K]

Rubbish, she's making accusations and throwing mud pies without no proof whatever and has forced Hans to go back to Dudley.:mad:

[MsGill]

This is nonsense and you must know it is, Special K. If you read my message to Lynne carefully, I've offered advice and I've made no accusations.

Hans decided to vamoose to Dudley way before I wrote, so that's not my fault. All your huffing and puffing won't allow Hans to escape his responsibilities if he's the father of Lynne's child. I hope, as a woman, you'd appreciate that.

[Erica Boulton]

Ms Gill, you must remember that Special K herself believes she is pregnant. She is not sure yet...so maybe she is a little anxious at this present time.

I thought your advice to Lynne about contacting her doctor to check that all is OK was very wise. And, Lynne I think this is the first thing you must do. You need to be guided into the dos and donts during pregnancy.

[Lynne C Doyle]

This is hard to tell you - I'm not pregnant.

[Stella]

This is hard to tell you - I'm not pregnant.
I don't know how to react to your news, Lynne. Relieved for you, of course. BUT you have given us all a great deal of anxiety. Am I right in thinking you took Ms Gill's advice and sought the opinion of a doctor?

[Lynne C Doyle]

I'm really sorry if I've worried you, Stella. I had this crazy idea - and it all went out of controll.

[MsGill]

I hope you're not going to tell us what I suspect you're going to tell us, Lynne.

[James Ogilvy]

What do you suspect Lynne is not going to tell us, Ms Gill?

[Ed Overeels]

Lynne's a bit embarrassed about this, but I know what she did.

She was trying to find out who really loved her and told them she was having a baby to see if they would stay with her. It was a kind of test - and the only one who proved he loved her was ME! The others made their excuses and disappeared as soon as a baby was mentioned.

[Erica Boulton]

The question now remains... are you and Lynne both going to live happily ever after?????

[Ed Overeels]

I'm taking Lynne away on a surprise holiday for Christmas - and I'm so happy about it.
We're going to the Orkney Islands by boat (unless the sea's too rough!) to see if we can see a great northern diver. I like bird-watching and it will be good to share my hobby with Lynne. The hostel I've booked is a bit drafty but it's on the sea shore so we can collect drift wood and have a fire.
It will be good for Lynne to get away after her suffering. She's never done anything like this before.

[Emjay]

I have seen a Great Northern Diver. A large bearded man from Manchester. Did a swan dive into the Hannage Brook in the Summer of 1987. As I recall he landed rather awkwardly facing downstream and it took him several moments to regain his composure and scramble up the bank to dry land.


OK, the above is a complete lie! But it's no more nonsense than the ridiculous scenario set out by Ed. Does he really think Lynne knows the meaning of the word love? Or the word committment? Or any word containing more than three letters? In fact, let's get down to the nitty gritty. Does Lynne know anything?

I give her two minutes on the ocean wave and some drama will occur, no doubt involving the captain of the boat and his sexy knot-tying manoeuvres and Ed Overeels will be Ed Overboard!

AND before you start Stella I know I am being harsh about Lynne again and you seem to have some sort of affection for the misguided soul but she needs to wake up and smell the coffee and Ed needs to get a life! Or a life-jacket!

[Stella]

Dear Emjay,
Not only do I have a "sort of affection for the misguided soul", I am also concerned that if Lynne does "wake up and smell the coffee", there will be no more posts about her...!!!
Wirksworth without Lynne C Doyle would be like......?
Respectfully yours,
Stella

[Erica Boulton]

That's a challenge if ever there was one! It would be interesting to see the suggestions that arrive.


Failing that, perhaps it should be the start of a new soap opera!!!;)

[Special K]

I hope Lynne finds a great northern diver and stays on this island a long way away from here.
I know Hans cant wait to see the back of her.

[Hans Offah]

I can't wait to see the back of Lynne, as Kay says, but I quite like Lynne's front as well!!;););)

[James Ogilvy]

I say, old chap...steady on!!

[Special K]

I can't wait to see the back of Lynne, as Kay says, but I quite like Lynne's front as well!!;););)

Why oh why are men fatuated by this Lyndsay Doyle I dont know.

Hans said he only had eyes for me and now he says this, i feel a fool.

[MsGill]

It's never right for a woman to pretend to be pregnant, as I hope Lynne understands now. There are thousands of women trying desperately to conceive, so it's no joking matter.
I think it will be good for Lynne to go right away and work out what she wants from life. You are getting a reputation for being man-mad, Lynne, but I hope you return with a more balanced view of your future.
I've been to the Orkneys and it's very wet and windy in summer, so it will certainly blow away the cobwebs in December! Forget your party frocks and get some good waterproofs, boots and thermals.
It will be a challenge to you both.

[Erica Boulton]

I think it will be good for Lynne to go right away and work out what she wants from life. You are getting a reputation for being man-mad, Lynne, but I hope you return with a more balanced view of your future.

With all due respect, Ms Gill, I do think you are asking too much for Lynne to work out what she wants from life. She needs guidance; to be shown a variety of alternative life styles. Then perhaps she could decide.

[Lynne C Doyle]

Someone I met on Facebook asked me to spend Xmas with him in Florida - but it will suprize some of you to know I turned him down coz I'd already promised Eddie to go with him to this cold wet island.
Ed's been good to me and I wont let him down!
I dont need guidance from the likes of you Erica - i need a good hunky man.

[Ed Overeels]

We've got as far as Scrabster and we're waiting for the sea to calm down so the small old ferry can take us to Stromness. I haven't seen a great northern diver yet but I'm hopeful. Lynne's wearing the thermals we got at the Factory Shop but still says it's cold and the rain gets down her neck.
What a great way to spend Christmas!

[Erica Boulton]

I'm longing to hear what adventures you had over Christmas. Did you both have a good time?

[Lynne C Doyle]

The winds always Howling.
The hostels Extreeeemly cold.
I'm Lonely.
The food is very Poor.
Eds selfish and Moody.
I want to Escape from here.

[Ed Overeels]

I'm in a state of shock. Lynne has disappeared!:confused:
When I came back to the bothy this morning, I'd been looking for the Great Northern Diver again, she'd gone.
I walked down to her favourite spot in the lovely Rackwick Bay - and there were her shoes, the red high heels, they were definitely hers so i've brought them back here for safe-keeping and told the owner of the bothy and she's phoned the police.
I fear the worst and don't think any of us will hear from Lynne again.

[James Ogilvy]

Ed, if necessary, I would show the police Lynne last message that she sent yesterday. It read...."The winds always Howling. The hostels Extreeeemly cold. I'm Lonely. The food is very Poor. Eds selfish and Moody. I want to Escape from here." The police might be able to decipher what she was trying to say and come up with some answers.

[Hans Offah]

What have you done with my Lynne, you **!!**? I don't trust you.

Have you tipped her Ed Overeels down the cliff and into the sea?

[Wayne Dwopp]

The Dwopps are deverstated!

[Special K]

What, oh what dya mean - your Lynne? Hans off 'er, Hans Offah!:(

[Ed Overeels]

I've been arrested.

[Stella]

Dare I ask why? Just what have you done, Ed? I don't think I can bear it....tell me quickly, is Lynne...? Is she alive?

[Stella]

I've waited all afternoon to hear some news of Lynne. I've got a party to go to tonight, but until I know that she is safe and well, how can I possibly relax and enjoy myself?

[Ed Overeels]

I've been arrested in connection with the disappearance of Lynne - but as you all know I'm innocent. The police can't understand why I removed her red high heels - they say I destroyed vital evidence.
I wish she'd reappear so I can clear my name. She can be exasperating but I wouldn't harm to come to her.

[Lynne C Doyle]

I'm in Stornaway with Evan this dishy fisher bloke I met. He has a fishing boat and dared me to meet him at dead of night and I had to take off my red high heels in case they scratched his boat. Sorry if some of you have been worried or upset.
I doubt if I'll be back in wirksworth, but look us up if you come here. Everyone knows Evan Sabuv, he's the Nowegian fisherman with a lovely cottage on the harbour and he's going to name his new boat "Lynne C Doyle".
I'm in love and Im sure this is the real thing - so goodbye to all of you.

[Tia Dwopps]

Me, Wayne and my mum say "goodbye" to you too. Best of luck!

If ever you come back to Wirksworth, my mum says you can dwopp in any time!

[Wayne Dwopp]

Do you think Lynne is OK? I had such an awful dream about her last night... she was very cold. All she was wearing was a t-shirt and cotton shorts. No shoes. She looked blue and was shivering and crying. I tried to find a duvet to put over her but everytime I got hold of one it was taken away from my hands. My mum heard me shouting in my sleep and woke me up. She said it was a nightmare.

[Wayne Dwopp]

It's 33 days since I last sent this message. 33 very long days. But my nights have been worse. The nightmare I had about Lynne keeps on coming back. It could be due to the cold weather. But there has been no news of Lynne. She could really be blue and shivering...she may not be alive. Doesn't anyone know anything about her?

[James Ogilvy]

Perhaps now that BarryF has returned from Hong Kong he may have some news for us about Lynne. Has she left him a postcard while he's been away? Or perhaps a telephone message?

[James Ogilvy]

Well, Barry? Have you anything to tell us about Lynne?

[Tia Dwopps]

http://www.allaboutdrawings.com/image-files/butterfly.jpg I saw this drawing of a butterfly and it made me think of Lynne.

[BarryF]

Nothing about Lynne C Doyle from me.

Where was she when we last heard from her? Settling down with a Scottish fisherman?

[James Ogilvy]

Yes, you are right, Barry. This is a quote from her last message..."I'm in Stornaway with Evan this dishy fisher bloke". She sailed away in his boat that he re-named Lynne C Doyle. I don't think we'll ever hear from her again. She said "goodbye Wirksworth".

We will survive.

[Emjay]

I've been away from here for a while and have just read what has been happening with Lynne since December.

I must say I am a bit worried. I know I haven't always been very kind-hearted towards Lynne - she exasperated me with her wild ways - but I wouldn't wish any real harm to come to her and I do wonder whether she is really sailing the Scottish Isles with a fisherman, or if her last "I'm okay" message was a ruse set up by Ed Overheels because he has bumped her off.

Has anybody heard from Ed? Was he released from the police cells once Lynne's message was reported? Is he stalking fishing boats looking for Lynne? Is he not bothering because he knows where she really is?

Stella, you always championed Lynne. What do you think?

[Stella]

I am so pleased you have written about Lynne. Oddly enough, it was only this week that I too began to wonder how she was getting on. We last heard of her four months ago, and although she appeared happy enough, we can never really be sure with Lynne. She has had so many ups and downs, poor woman.

It could be that she is just pining for Wirksworth and longing to hear from one of us. If your message reassures her that we still care, maybe she will be comforted and contact us again. Well done, Emjay.

PS. As for Ed, I don't have any news about him.

[James Ogilvy]

Today is the anniversary of the first message about Lynne C Doyle, written by Alastair Clark. She was missing from Wirksworth then and a year on nothing seems to have changed!!

[Stella]

I am seriously concerned about the well-being of Lynne. We've had no word from her since she met up with a Norwegian fisherman. This was in January. It is so unlike Lynne to forget her old friends. Has anybody had any contact with her?

[Stella]

I am so excited... there was a message left on phone when I got in from seeing Vicky Cristina Barcelona last night. Guess who? It was Lynne saying she was well and happy and that she might be returning to Wirksworth. I dialled 1471 to see if I could get her number to call her back. Alas she didn't leave one. But everyone....she may get in touch on the forum. Isn't it good news?

[Lynne C Doyle]

I'm sorry to worry you but I don't know wot to do. I should be settled in Stornaway cos i've a nice cottage and a kind lovin man who cares for me - but a BIG part of me feels there's more to life than this. I'm BORED here and want to escape - but that would be stoopid wouldn't it?